please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you win again, gameday.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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