yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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