The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
