You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
