I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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