Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
