i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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