I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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