Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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