# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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