Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
