FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
