she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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