I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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