we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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