Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
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