Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
