So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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