i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
