Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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