i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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