Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
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I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
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Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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