He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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