I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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