if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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