2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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