Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
