he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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