You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
