Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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