I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
