What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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