Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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