with your own penis?
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
