You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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