I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
