so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
