i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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