i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I wear drunk well.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
