I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I am one with the molecules
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
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