dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
is that a dick in a sweater?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
