I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
