he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
