I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
