He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
