I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
