You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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