I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
