I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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