Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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