Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
