I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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