for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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