My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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