Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
