meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
