Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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