Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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