I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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