I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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