Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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